Find Meaningful Relationships in Unexpected Places – Take A Sound Match To Go

Recently, I heard a conference panelist complain that he didn’t know half of the “friends” in his network.  He said he would grab the chance to find one or two people in his network that would add meaning to his life.  I practically jumped out of my seat and screamed “I can do that, I can do that!”  Instead, I kept my mouth shut because at that moment I didn’t know how I would make A Sound Match mobile so the meaningful relationships that were buried inside a person’s ever-growing and impersonal network could bubble up to the surface.

But now I do.  Last week, the badge program launched.  It’s also known as A Sound Match To Go.

Everyone who takes the music quiz can display a Music Personality badge that will help identify meaningful relationships, for friendship or dating, either inside a network or any place on the web.

This is the Music Personality badge for Diamonds in the Rough

Put your Music Personality badge on your email signature, blog or social network profiles, because:

1.  You have a higher likelihood of getting along with people who have the same Music Personality as you.

2.  You could meet someone really special. Get matched one-on-one with our Lookup engine. A 4-note match means the highest likelihood of compatibility.

Take the quiz. Then, get your badge here.

Need more convincing? Read two scenarios to illustrate how and why displaying a badge can change your life.

Scenario 1 (for friendship):

You decide to buy a bike from a seller on Craigslist.  You exchange a series of emails and notice a Music Personality badge on the seller’s email signature.  You see that he is a Diamond in the Rough, just like you.  Since two people who belong to the same Music Personality group have a good chance of becoming friends, you invite him along for your group ride that weekend.  Turns out, you two have a lot more in common than biking.  This guy, formerly a stranger, becomes a great friend who accompanies you on the next ten backpacking trips you take and lets you temporarily move into his apartment when your girlfriend asks you to leave yours.

Scenario 2  (for love):

You want to meet someone special to date.  You display your Music Personality badge on the sidebar of your blog, figuring the law of averages will reveal at least a few readers who are single and possibly compatible with you.

Soon thereafter, you get an email from a fan with a witty comment about your latest post.  The email also includes the revelation that she used the matching engine to check the likelihood of your compatibility and it revealed a 4-note match, which means you two have the highest likelihood of compatibility.  Alerted to the likelihood that you two could get along well, you keep the email exchange going, when otherwise this reader would have been a passing blip on your radar.  Turns out, that was a good decision because her last email revealed she is single, age-appropriate, gender-appropriate, and lives nearby.  After you check her out on Facebook and see that she’s cute, you suggest meeting for coffee.  The rest is history.

MORE INFO …

What happens when your badge is clicked?

The person who clicks your badge is taken to the music quiz to discover Music Personality and then use the “lookup” engine to see how you two Sound Match.

Expect to hear from people with your Music Personality and from people who are ranked by our matching system as having a good or high likelihood of compatibility with you (indicated by three or four green notes).

Need help breaking the ice? Send a music email “Notecard.” More info here.

How A Sound Match works

A Sound Match is a compatibility system based on the theory that two people who like music the same amount have a higher likelihood of compatibility.  A short quiz identifies your interest in music and lands you into one of the four Music Personality groups.  Members of each group are likely to get along well.

Also, the matching algorithm pits two quiz scores against each other to see how strong a match there is between a couple (based on 15 years of research).  Every match is ranked from a “high likelihood” down to “risky.”

Break the Ice with a “Notecard”

Send a music email with full-length songs or albums inside – for free – to any email address.

On your music profile inside A Sound Match, add music to the first playlist (called Get to Know Me). This playlist always travels inside your ASM messages.

Send the email from the “Messages” tab on the top navigation bar after you login. You can either type in a username or the person’s email address. Send a Notecard anytime to anyone.

Music Personality Baby-Naming

Years ago, I needed a relevant way to identify the four types of music listeners that I believe exist in the world.

Back then, I called them Devotees, Enthusiasts, Ambivalents and Apathetics. I suspected the latter two groups might not appreciate the name-calling, so I needed neutral names, not knowing how these labels would be later used for asoundmatch.com.

Each group’s label had to meet these four criteria:

1. It had to be the title of a (great) song.

2. The song had to lean more toward love and hopefulness than toward heartache and despair.

3. The title of the song had to be a noun so that I could pluralize it when referring to the group of members (e.g. Diamonds in the Rough, Hearts of Gold, etc.).

4. The majority of the artist’s fan base had to belong  to that particular Music Personality.

Unchained Melody, a Righteous Brothers song, was chosen for people who prefer music as a backdrop and don’t bring much of it into their lives, otherwise called “music apathetics” (although, usually not publicly). The music of the Righteous Brothers, and soft-ballad artists like them, is right up the alley of the music listening that Unchained Melodies tend to do.

Shining Star, by Earth, Wind & Fire, was chosen for people who like the hits. Shining Stars like it when music is playing, and usually that happens when other people took the initiative to play something. Accordingly, I call them “music ambivalents.” They are satisfied with the popular music of the day or they have holed up inside classic rock. Either way, you’ll find fans of of Earth, Wind & Fire in the Shining Star group.

It was tougher to choose labels for the next two groups of music lovers. I needed songs that were hip enough to describe these music fans yet still met the love/noun/fan criteria.

Heart of Gold, by Neil Young, was chosen for music lovers who appreciate the intelligence and mastery of Neil Young’s music. Hearts of Gold are “music enthusiasts.” They like being introduced to new music and have discerning taste. Hearts of Gold also have some renegade in them, not unlike NY. They are active music listeners yet they don’t go insane if their music collection is not readily available to them – like Diamonds in the Rough do. I struggled with this group’s label because the title seemed, well, corny. After a long while of searching unsuccessfully for substitutes that met the criteria, it stuck.  Now, I like it.

Diamond in the Rough

A visual to help understand your compatibility with others

Music Personality & Compatibility Spectrum

The image above illustrates A Sound Match’s compatibility system. You are more likely to be compatible with someone who lands near you on the spectrum.

After you take the quiz, your Music Personality is revealed on the website and inside our welcome email. Are you a Diamond in the Rough, Heart of Gold, Shining Star or Unchained Melody?

You have a high likelihood of getting along with people who belong to your Music Personality Group. And, if you land on the cusp of your Music Personality, you will also get along with people in an adjacent group. In fact, it’s possible that you could get along best with someone who lands in an adjacent group but who scores within a few points of you.

For instance, Diamonds in the Rough are most likely to be compatible with other Diamonds and least likely to be compatible with Unchained Melodies. Or, a Shining Star who lands on the left edge of her group also has a high likelihood of getting along with Unchained Melodies who land on the right edge of that group.

Because your score stays private, the easiest way to learn how compatible you are with another member is to:

1. Look up the person’s username on the Lookup page (under My Matches > Lookup Profile)
2. Look at your list of matches. The ones with the highest likelihood of compatibility show up first.

Take the quiz now. What’s your Music Personality?

“Huong Phat” or “Why No Relationship Should Go Unsupervised”

Mitch was a mess. His girlfriend of two years broke up with him a few days after he proposed to her. He was clueless that his proposal didn’t have a fighting chance. Why did he think proposing marriage was timely while she had one foot out the door?

By the time he asked her, she was fuming after having just finished up her silent series of relationship tests that lasted several months, which were unknown to him but which would prove his everlasting love to her. All of which he failed, of course.

I think it’s mostly a girl thing to give tests for boyfriends to pass. I’m guilty of it myself. But that was when I was young and foresaw an endless string of boyfriends to torment. Now, I am mature and have been home-schooled in “Advanced Relationship Communication” by my live-in boyfriends who were more likely to torment me if I wasn’t clear about what I wanted. So my relationships now are all smooth going without misunderstanding or communication breakdown. I wish.

I believe all relationships need us to supervise them. While two people are getting to know each other, a bigger picture is being painted called “the relationship.” I think it is a good idea to get together, step back and make sure you both see the same image of the relationship. Really, I believe supervision ought to be mandatory for every relationship, at all times, and called the “Huong Phat.”

Some people are intimidated by the Huong Phat concept. You mean I have to make a special time to talk about my relationship when nothing is specifically wrong?!? Exactly.

The Huong Phat is a safe zone. Here you focus on the relationship and say what’s on your mind. We all get caught up in the mundane events of daily life and tend to talk about those trivial matters rather than our feelings, because it’s easier. But who doesn’t have sensitive issues that you really wish were easier to talk about with your partner? Scheduled talks can resolve relationship tension.

For one thing, you don’t have to stress out about finding the right time to bring up something important. You know you’ll have the chance to talk about these matters later, and so you can let them go now and relax. It also gives you time to prepare the kindest way to say something that has been upsetting you, so your partner can hear it without becoming defensive, and you will get the outcome you want. Frustration and anger make us blurt nasty things to our partner because we had been holding back feelings about something else for too long. It feels pretty amazing when there is a happy resolution to a sensitive topic and all because you approached it in a relaxed way and carefully chose your words.

But the Huong Phat is much more than a bitching session. Again, this is the safe zone — where you have your partner’s attention and respect. A lot of people find it difficult to express intimate thoughts. Here, you can feel safe to reveal your private feelings. It’s a good time to talk about sex and your future together. Ask unresolved questions. Anything goes.

Before you end your Huong Phat, you both should agree that you had the chance to say what you wanted. If not, keep talking … at that time or another. Don’t be afraid to get clear about your partner’s needs. It is not about criticizing; it is about respecting and nurturing the relationship. You want the chance to fix it before it breaks beyond repair. If you don’t care, then why stay together? Time is precious.

If the Huong Phat was mandatory then couples would consistently talk to each other about things that matter. A husband would not be surprised to hear one morning from his wife of fifteen years that for a long time now she has not wanted to kiss him and she wants a divorce. Lovers will both know to expect the occasional booty call and think nothing more of their casual fling. And, Mitch would not have proposed. He would have had all the information he needed to see that his relationship was on the rocks.

As for the name “Huong Phat,” I made it up. Under pressure, I took some words off a plaque at a Vietnamese Restaurant in San Francisco while trying to convince my new boyfriend why it’s a good idea to have “check-in” talks. He agreed in concept but didn’t like what I was calling it. Looking up, I saw an important-looking phrase engraved on a plaque and proposed a new name. Thankfully, it stuck.