Years ago, a childhood friend of mine decided he wanted to fix me up with his doctor friends.

He called me a bunch of times always prepared with the hard sell of why I should date a particular colleague of his. After hearing all the vague stats like the car he drove, where he went to medical school and other fluff, I would inevitably ask about the guy’s taste in music. My friend’s inevitable response (spoken with irritation): “I don’t know. That’s not important. You can ask him when he calls you tonight. I already gave him your number.”

At the time, I believed that two people needed to know and like the same music to get along.  It helps, but I’ve learned there’s more to it than that.

When I first spoke with this doctor, it didn’t seem fair or polite to talk only about music with him (I’m not nearly as gracious now). So, I justified scheduling a date to get more information about his music sensibilities. And, since he came highly recommended, how bad could the date be?

This was the last time I let this friend or any others set me up with a “music unknown.”

Our one conversation had me believing that this man was fairly cool and interested in music, after briefly hearing about his affinity for 80’s rock bands (later to learn he meant Def Leppard and Bon Jovi, not The Jam or The Cure). I figured I’d let him fill in the rest of his music preferences during the walk in the park we’d planned to take. Only, I didn’t need the walk to get the picture. The moment we met and I walked into his apartment I got it.

Everything about this guy was slick, from the black lacquered furniture with gold beveled edges to his hair. I scanned the shimmery apartment and shaggy carpets hoping to spot anything resembling unique character. The apartment was decorated like bad corporate housing. I suspected I was doomed to an afternoon of boredom. My date didn’t let me down.

As the date continued, I probed him to talk more about music, but I guess we’d already covered that base. While I do remember his bad style, I can’t remember one interesting thing he said to me that day. His personality matched his taste in music. It was completely one-dimensional.

I excused myself from the date as fast as I could. I spent the entire drive home muttering to myself that I’d never again be set up by a friend, nor would I go on another date, without first getting (and paying attention to) the complete music picture.

As much as this date sucked, it caused my first epiphany confirming that music defines personality and should determine my dating decisions.

The day after this date, I started my research project, blandly titled for the next long while, “my music theory.”

Tags: Music Social Networking
Online Dating Relationships Romance
A Sound Match
Music Online Dating
ASM Odyssey
Dating Stories

Shyness. As a kid, I spent more time watching people than interacting with them. I was fascinated by my classmates’ behavior and why certain kids became friends. Needless to say, my after school schedule wasn’t bursting with playdates.

As I entered the world of teenage romance, what made couples get together and break apart became even more fascinating. I wanted experiences of my own, so I worked hard to nix the shyness. By then, I’d become a pro at figuring out what made people tick. I was proud to be the “to go” friend — the first one that my friends would approach for advice on how to handle irate parents, cute boys or catty girls.

At 16, I developed a crush on a boy who loved The Doors and played in a band. He became my first love and we dated for over 5 years. The seed for A Sound Match was planted.

I don’t have a formal psychology education. But, I have been a lifelong student of people in relationships.  For a long time, I’ve successfully helped people navigate through their relationships.   And… I’ve got 20+ years of my own dating and relationship experiences.

I believe everyone is entitled to have a healthy, loving, respectful and passionate romantic relationship. And, from what I’ve seen, I know most people simply don’t have the tools to know it when they see it or handle it when they find it.

When I discovered my “bad date repellent” formula — that music was an excellent predictor of compatibility — I felt driven to validate my music theory and help single people find healthy relationships. When I first learned about online dating, it became clear that I’d found the perfect venue in which to sing the praises of A Sound Match.

It’s taken a lot of time and work to develop and refine the music test to accurately reflect overall personality. I wanted to create an online dating experience unlike any other, one that inspires a fun, vibrant community of people sharing music and their life stories. It’s tempting to revert back to my shy days, but instead, I’ll share my dating tales and first-time entrepreneurial adventures. I’ll do this so that you can see the evolution of A Sound Match and how music can help you find your sound match.

~Lynne

Tags: Music Social Networking Online Dating Relationships Romance
A Sound Match Music Online Dating ASM Odyssey

Please do! You’ll receive more responses if you post a picture of yourself. It’s just the way online dating works. Mysteriousness doesn’t cut it these days.

A few people have asked how they post photos to their profiles. Here’s how:

• Log in … Look at the top navigation bar, click the tab “My Account” > “My photos”
• When you reach the photo management page, click the browse button to find the photos that you have stored on your computer (that you’d like to post).
• Click “Submit” to upload your picture files into your photo management page. There, you can also indicate what photo you’d like to have as your main photo.

That’s it.

A Sound Match is just getting started. We’re very happy to have you here. We are working at spreading the word that music matches us and hope that you will too!

To increase your likelihood of getting matches, please invite everyone you know to take the 3-minute music test – it doesn’t matter if these people are friends, single or attached (see below for the various ways to do this).

We’ll match your scores and email you both telling you where you rank on the compatibility indicator. It’s fun to see how musically-matched you are with your friends.

Then, your friends can invite more friends to become members and so on. This will increase the number of matches you’ll get!

It’s all about networking. Your friends have friends who have friends that you don’t know … yet.

There are three (3) ways for you to invite people into the site:

1. Inside the welcome email we sent to you, click the link in the green box that says “Does your Music Personality match with your friends?”

2. After log in, upper right corner on each page resides a link called “Match with a friend?”

3. After log in, right side of page, look for the module “Does your Music Personality match with your friends?”

Our goal is to help people find healthy relationships, for love or friendship. Obviously, we feel strongly that music is the best predictor we have for determining compatibility. Why? Learn more here.

We’d love to hear from you! For comments, questions, rants, etc., contact us.

Tags: Music Social Networking Online Dating Relationships Romance A Sound Match Music Online Dating

I recently received an urgent call from a friend. She wanted to reserve a time I’d be available so that we could over-analyze the behavior of a new guy she’s dating.

He’s an instructor at her gym. For months, I’ve been hearing about her crush on him. She’s been “working it” with a casual flirtation here, an intellectual discussion there. Finally, they had a bonafide date. Then some kissing. Then another plan for a date … that never materialized because he didn’t call.

She spent the next few days taking blind stabs at the reason for his silence and feeling confused.

“What should I do?” Her voice was tinged with the panic we’ve all felt at one time or another.

My advice? NEVER GUESS. Call him and ask him what’s up.

Her response? “What if he thinks I’m needy?”

A common trap! Why do we accuse ourselves of neediness because we choose to be on the same page as our date?!? There’s an important distinction between asking for pertinent information when something doesn’t feel right versus behaving insecurely about the relationship.

I’d like to believe that everyone who dates would be forthcoming and honest about how he or she feels…and in a timely manner.

But, we aren’t. Most people delay the inevitable “talk” hoping that the other person will get “the hint” and will eventually disappear. Bad move. This is what gives dating a bad name.

So how do we have difficult conversations without pissing off or eliciting tears from the other person?

To her, my suggested approach and words to use:

After the casual greetings and some small talk, say something that you like about him or the connection you have with him. Then, before you lose your nerve, head into the conversation. Something like:

“I’ve really enjoyed hanging out with you lately. And, I wanted to say that I’ve felt a “shift” in the way I thought things between us were heading. I was hoping we could talk about it.”

If he says “What do you mean?” Say, “Because you stood me up, asshole!” No. Don’t say that. Instead say, “I was under the impression we had plans on Saturday night. When I didn’t hear from you, I wondered if we were on the same page. So I thought it would be a good idea to talk about it.”

“How to Say It” Tips (that have been useful to me):

1. Using the word “AND” rather than the word “BUT” to begin a statement makes a huge difference in the way someone receives your next words. “But” implies that something negative is coming and makes us feel defensive before we’ve even heard the statement.

2. Use the “I” word as much as possible vs. the word “you.” Using “I” statements puts all the emphasis on you and your feelings. When we say things like “you didn’t call me,” expect the recipient to feel reprimanded and then the need to defend himself. It decreases the likelihood he’ll hear what else you have to say. I bet you’d feel the same way if someone accused you of not calling when you didn’t think you had plans. (Did my last statement make you feel defensive?)

3. Use neutral words. Using the phrase “I’ve felt a shift” is neutral and simple. It leaves your statement open for interpretation rather than sounding like you are accusing him of bad behavior. It allows him to say exactly what’s on his mind rather than defending himself against an act he didn’t commit, except in your mind.

Summary: It’s natural to create stories in our heads about what the other person thinks or why he or she behaved in a particular way. Most of the time we’re wrong. But, most of the time, we don’t give people a chance to speak their truth because they have to spend their time defending our accusations. For all but the most secure of us, having someone make false assumptions about our actions immediately creates a downward spiral of negative emotion. These conversations make or break our ability to have a friendship post-relationship.

Things to keep in mind:

#1. It’s all in the approach

#2. If you speak honestly and from the heart the conversation will go well.

#3. Make good decisions about who you date! Obviously, I believe that music is the best filter we have to determine our compatibility with others. In my experience, it increases the likelihood of better dates and more productive conversations. Why? Find out here.

Tags: Online Dating Relationships Romance A Sound Match Music Online Dating Dating Advice

This category is devoted to helping singles talk to each other. Sounds simple, maybe even demeaning? Yet, I frequently hear about the trouble people have when it comes to saying what they want to say.

I feel compelled to write this “column” for a few reasons.

As a woman with 20+ years of dating and relationships under her belt, I’ve dealt with all kinds of intimate situations. And, as the founder of an online dating service, I feel obliged to share my experiences. As a lifelong student of human nature, I’ve observed what does and doesn’t work when people communicate with each other. Lastly, as a friend and colleague, I’ve always been the “go to” person when a comrade needed help approaching a difficult conversation she or he was afraid to have.

Historically, I’ve had a knack for helping people get to the gist of their feelings and figuring out the least stressful way to approach a difficult conversation. I’ve even been called the “Dating Oracle,” but won’t assume that title until I receive further nominations…

Here, I hope to provide a few simple approaches to common, yet uncomfortable dating scenarios. Such as:

• What do I say at the end of our 1^st date if I’m not interested in going out again?
• What do I say when I realize, at the end of our 3^rd date, that I’m just not attracted to him?

And the ever-popular:

• He didn’t call. How do I find out what’s going on? (without seeming needy)

Stay tuned for the next post where I’ll address scenario #3 as it relates to the panicked phone call I received last night from a friend of mine.

I hope you will write in with your own difficult conversation scenario. By the time I respond, you may have already had your difficult conversation but the topic will surely enlighten others!

Tags: Dating Advice Online Dating Relationships Romance A Sound Match

Haven’t you been on a date where you felt a mild state of shock and entrapment; frequently asking yourself “how the hell did I get here?!?” We’ve all been there.

And, we all want to hear your story. The best story wins three (3) free months of Rhapsody (the best music subscription service around, if you ask us).

Since A Sound Match (ASM) was created to arm you with “bad date repellent,” these kind of dates will be history. But, ASM was also developed to build community among you music lovers. If you share your stories, you’ll begin to see similarities among what you want in a date/lover/partner. Who knows? You might just see your Sound Match there…

So, surrender your bad or bizarre date story. A panel of dating experts (some bitter, some not) will pick the best. Submit your story and read the contest rules in the ASM forum area. Remember to include an email address if you sign in as a guest!

Contest ends 9/30/06.

Tags: Online Dating Relationships Romance A Sound Match Music Online Dating Contest

It suddenly became clear that it was time to put aside my desire to be Oz and expose myself and my progress as the founder of A Sound Match — the result of a 15-year research project that began the day after a very bad date.

So, welcome to my first post of my first blog.

This blog will contain updates about the website and perhaps stories about the thrills and challenges of life as a new entrepreneur.

Soon, I’ll dedicate a category to my world of dating … the inspiration behind wanting to help others find and create healthy relationships using music as the predictor of our compatibility.

And, I hope to receive feedback and suggestions on your A Sound Match experience!

Lastly, I want this to be a place to share and receive music recommendations. A few artists inside my Rhapsody mixer this week:

What Made Milwaukee Famous, Kaki King, Tweaker, The Black Angels, The Engineers, Dead Can Dance, Juana Molina & Beirut.

Creating this business has been a fascinating and crazy journey so far. I’m guessing this blog will follow suit…

Tags: Online Dating Relationships Romance A Sound Match Music Online Dating