This blog has moved to http://asoundmatch.com/blog

Please visit the new blog location to learn more about:

• How our relationship to music predicts our relationship to each other.
• Music Personality
• Music dating
• Dating Advice: “How to Say It” – How to start difficult conversations relating to dating and relationships

Thanks for visiting!

~ Lynne

Find Meaningful Relationships in Unexpected Places – Take A Sound Match To Go

Recently, I heard a conference panelist complain that he didn’t know half of the “friends” in his network.  He said he would grab the chance to find one or two people in his network that would add meaning to his life.  I practically jumped out of my seat and screamed “I can do that, I can do that!”  Instead, I kept my mouth shut because at that moment I didn’t know how I would make A Sound Match mobile so the meaningful relationships that were buried inside a person’s ever-growing and impersonal network could bubble up to the surface.

But now I do.  Last week, the badge program launched.  It’s also known as A Sound Match To Go.

Everyone who takes the music quiz can display a Music Personality badge that will help identify meaningful relationships, for friendship or dating, either inside a network or any place on the web.

This is the Music Personality badge for Diamonds in the Rough

Put your Music Personality badge on your email signature, blog or social network profiles, because:

1.  You have a higher likelihood of getting along with people who have the same Music Personality as you.

2.  You could meet someone really special. Get matched one-on-one with our Lookup engine. A 4-note match means the highest likelihood of compatibility.

Take the quiz. Then, get your badge here.

Need more convincing? Read two scenarios to illustrate how and why displaying a badge can change your life.

Scenario 1 (for friendship):

You decide to buy a bike from a seller on Craigslist.  You exchange a series of emails and notice a Music Personality badge on the seller’s email signature.  You see that he is a Diamond in the Rough, just like you.  Since two people who belong to the same Music Personality group have a good chance of becoming friends, you invite him along for your group ride that weekend.  Turns out, you two have a lot more in common than biking.  This guy, formerly a stranger, becomes a great friend who accompanies you on the next ten backpacking trips you take and lets you temporarily move into his apartment when your girlfriend asks you to leave yours.

Scenario 2  (for love):

You want to meet someone special to date.  You display your Music Personality badge on the sidebar of your blog, figuring the law of averages will reveal at least a few readers who are single and possibly compatible with you.

Soon thereafter, you get an email from a fan with a witty comment about your latest post.  The email also includes the revelation that she used the matching engine to check the likelihood of your compatibility and it revealed a 4-note match, which means you two have the highest likelihood of compatibility.  Alerted to the likelihood that you two could get along well, you keep the email exchange going, when otherwise this reader would have been a passing blip on your radar.  Turns out, that was a good decision because her last email revealed she is single, age-appropriate, gender-appropriate, and lives nearby.  After you check her out on Facebook and see that she’s cute, you suggest meeting for coffee.  The rest is history.

MORE INFO …

What happens when your badge is clicked?

The person who clicks your badge is taken to the music quiz to discover Music Personality and then use the “lookup” engine to see how you two Sound Match.

Expect to hear from people with your Music Personality and from people who are ranked by our matching system as having a good or high likelihood of compatibility with you (indicated by three or four green notes).

Need help breaking the ice? Send a music email “Notecard.” More info here.

How A Sound Match works

A Sound Match is a compatibility system based on the theory that two people who like music the same amount have a higher likelihood of compatibility.  A short quiz identifies your interest in music and lands you into one of the four Music Personality groups.  Members of each group are likely to get along well.

Also, the matching algorithm pits two quiz scores against each other to see how strong a match there is between a couple (based on 15 years of research).  Every match is ranked from a “high likelihood” down to “risky.”

Break the Ice with a “Notecard”

Send a music email with full-length songs or albums inside – for free – to any email address.

On your music profile inside A Sound Match, add music to the first playlist (called Get to Know Me). This playlist always travels inside your ASM messages.

Send the email from the “Messages” tab on the top navigation bar after you login. You can either type in a username or the person’s email address. Send a Notecard anytime to anyone.

A Notecard to play

Happy New Year.

To play an hour’s worth of the music I loved listening to in 2008, click the notecard.  Enjoy.

~ Lynne

A music "note"card

[The image opens a web page on Rhapsody.  For instant free listening, click the "play now" link below the sign-in section.]

A visual to help understand your compatibility with others

Music Personality & Compatibility Spectrum

The image above illustrates A Sound Match’s compatibility system. You are more likely to be compatible with someone who lands near you on the spectrum.

After you take the quiz, your Music Personality is revealed on the website and inside our welcome email. Are you a Diamond in the Rough, Heart of Gold, Shining Star or Unchained Melody?

You have a high likelihood of getting along with people who belong to your Music Personality Group. And, if you land on the cusp of your Music Personality, you will also get along with people in an adjacent group. In fact, it’s possible that you could get along best with someone who lands in an adjacent group but who scores within a few points of you.

For instance, Diamonds in the Rough are most likely to be compatible with other Diamonds and least likely to be compatible with Unchained Melodies. Or, a Shining Star who lands on the left edge of her group also has a high likelihood of getting along with Unchained Melodies who land on the right edge of that group.

Because your score stays private, the easiest way to learn how compatible you are with another member is to:

1. Look up the person’s username on the Lookup page (under My Matches > Lookup Profile)
2. Look at your list of matches. The ones with the highest likelihood of compatibility show up first.

Take the quiz now. What’s your Music Personality?

My 5 Relationship Showstoppers

My boyfriend and I broke up a few weeks ago. The relationship was ten months old and I was in love. Although it felt like torture, I could not ignore that abrupt and sad moment when I realized the likelihood was slim that our relationship could survive.

How did I know the time had come? I reviewed the second clause in the contract I made with myself that governs my relationships. (I’ll explain the first clause in my next post.)

“You shall abide by your Five Relationship Showstoppers.”

Showstoppers are things you must have in your relationship to be happy in it. Showstoppers are important to you, because without them, the relationship feels difficult and unfulfilling. With them, the relationship feels effortless (even if it’s not).

My showstoppers:

Respect
Passion
Deep love
We bring out the best in each other
We can talk about anything at any time

The moment I notice one is missing, I take a closer look at my overall happiness in the relationship.

We each have our own list of things we need to be happy in our relationship. The crazy thing is … very few people consciously reveal these needs to themselves, never mind revealing them to their partners. Most people “wing it” and hope for the best. Sure, it’s possible. But, would you enter a business contract without first deciding what you want from the deal? That people take such enormous risk with their heart is a mystery to me. Why people stay in relationships that drain them of their precious resources, such as love, passion, integrity, etc, is inconceivable.

I admit that my rational self often leaves the room when the survival of my relationship is threatened. Based on three conversations about relationships I’ve had just this week, I know I am not alone here. When you love someone deeply, the last thing you want to do is leave them … even when you know the cost of being in the relationship outweighs the benefits you receive.

No one wants their relationships to end. Because most of us fear this, we come up with all sorts of reasons to turn a blind eye. But really, is it better to be in a difficult and uncomfortable relationship than it is to be single and hopeful that the love of your life is out there waiting to meet you? Not for me.

Showstoppers are about self-respect and holding to your integrity. The concept is a guideline that I created many years ago while I was single and visualizing my yet-to-be relationship. When I hold this fantasy relationship in my mind’s eye, it makes me feel happy and whole. I trust that it will guide me during those confusing times when my current relationship feels out of whack, when I become self-critical and wonder “is it me?”

Showstoppers force us to prioritize our needs.

When our partners are around us all the time, who doesn’t get irked by their idiosyncrasies? Bad moods can escalate minor issues. But you can put these matters into perspective, as long as you know your list of relationship priorities. If your husband suddenly starts smoking cigars at night and you can’t stand it, work it out or let it go if being with a non-smoker is not on the priority list.

Some of my friends don’t like the term “showstopper.” They feel the concept is too structured and not romantic enough, preferring to let love take them on a wild journey. They insist that no relationship is perfect and that by creating their list they might thwart a relationship, and they are not easy to come by! Exactly. No relationship is perfect or easy to come by.

But if we compromise our integrity just for the sake of staying in a relationship, it won’t last anyway. Maybe the term is a bit tough and too business-like. If you think so, then come up with your own phrase that means “my ingredients for a healthy relationship.”

Really, they are “angels of tough love.” Even though my heart and ego might fight to stay longer, my showstoppers force me to stay true to myself.

Yes, it sucks to break up. Who likes to cry for hours on end and suffer through the shock of realizing you are alone … again. But, how much time do we have for a partner who cannot meet our basic needs? It is no one’s fault.

Hold out for true love. It might take longer to find but the wait will be well worth it.

We’re back up

Thankfully … and not without learning important lessons.

More stability to come in following weeks.
L.

Website is down and out

More apologies for the trouble accessing the website. We are working to move the site to a new server.
Thanks for your patience because we are feeling pretty impatient about it ourselves …

Lynne

Apologies – Technical Troubles

To all of our frustrated members & visitors,

Our deepest apologies for the troubles with the site (such as short time-out periods and the broken music link/Rhapsody search). We are grateful for your patience and hope you can bear with us while we try to get things back on track.

We realize we need to jump to a new and less buggy platform to prevent these absurd interruptions to the service.

We will update the blog when the bugs are freed.

Thanks,

Lynne

Join the “Bad-Date Repellent Consortium.” Get MOD.

MOD (music online dating) is the pet name for the widget that holds our Music Personality Quiz. If you are a music blogger or music-related site owner, take it. Become a member of the “Bad-Date Repellent Consortium.”

What if … bad-date repellent does exist and the brand name is “music?”

What if … music can predict compatibility and help us find the right long-term relationship?

We believe it does and it can. We hope you will, too.

We believe the secret to finding meaningful relationships begins with music. A Sound Match was created to match like-minded music lovers, for love or friendship. The first step is taking the Music Personality Quiz, now available in bite-sized MOD.

Add the widget if you want to:

1. Offer your music lovers a fun quiz that reveals Music Personality (whether or not they’re single).
2. Help match your single music lovers with like-minded others around the web.

Either way, we will be thrilled if you join our mission to create a world full of happy, respectful, loving relationships. Or … to save friends from bad dates.

If music is important to you, become part of The Consortium and spread the wealth. We all want love. It’s all free.

It’s easy to add the widget to your page. If you want it, send Lynne an email. She’ll tell you where to grab the link.

Tags: Music Social Networking
ASM Odyssey
Online Dating
Relationships
A Sound Match
Music Online Dating
Startups
Music Widget

Music fan? “Live” Playlist for you. For Free.

This morning, I was talking on the phone with a friend about the new music he liked. Within seconds, I started playing the full length albums on his list. I love this!

If one of your great joys is discovering new music, playing old favorites or making mixes for friends, check out Rhapsody. Each time I use it, I feel like I walked into Amoeba (record store) with a gift certificate in the amount of “carte blanche.”

For free, you can listen to 25 tracks/month. When you want to hear more (and it’s likely you will), get a subscription for $10/month.* A small popup web player is all you need to listen.

Here are artists & albums that have caught my ear lately. Play the music for free. Check out what Rhapsody has to offer.

By the way, Rhapsody is the music engine for A Sound Match. Insert your own “live” playlists to your profile and emails.

Lynne’s 10 Blog Songs (click to play or download the web player)

[You can play one, stop the player, and move on to search for your own tracks to play for free on rhapsody.com]

Jose Gonzalez-Slow Moves
Pinback-Seville (demo)
Pop Levi-(A style called) Crying Chic
Rodrigo y Gabriela-Diablo Rojo
The Avett Bros-Matrimony
The Features-Walk You Home
The Shins-Sea Legs
Elbow-Leaders of the Free World
Gotan Project-Mi Confesion
Cal Tjader(Verve Remixed)-Los Banditos

*[Note: Get it now to lock in $10. Sadly, the fee increases to $12.99/mo as of June 1. It's Mac + PC-friendly. For a bit more, you can also put the music on your mp3 player and take it with you anywhere.]