Entries from October 2006

“What? You’re over 40 and want to breed?!?”

October 24, 2006 · 2 Comments

(What NOT to say after meeting at a speed-dating event)

I finally got myself to a speed dating event last week and had a blast. I met thirteen men and had four minutes to decide if I would mark them as a “yes” on my scorecard.

Let’s be clear. Four minutes is only time enough to consider whether, at a future occasion, you’d jump the bones of your interviewee. It is not enough time to determine your compatibility.

Fortunately I had my secret decoder at hand. I knew if I got my date talking about his interest in music, I’d have the information I needed to score him a “yes” or a “no.” My plan worked beautifully.

I said yes to six of the thirteen men and they all said yes to me. (You learn this online at the company’s website a day later.) I thought I might be compatible with these men because each one had indicated that music was important to him (plus, I thought they were all cute). They must’ve appreciated my approach, because right away I heard from three of them.

Having already resolved two important pieces of the dating puzzle, that there’s chemistry and that we were a sound match, next up was to learn the basic lifestyle preferences of my potential dates (easily obtained by reading the person’s online profile).

Oh well. One down. The guy I felt had the most promise (he worked in the music business) clearly wrote in his profile that kids weren’t part of his life agenda. Since I’m 40, I would like to keep the possibility open until I’m sure whether or not kids will become part of my life. So, I replied to his email and told him my thoughts. And, I suggested we explore friendship because it seemed like we had a lot of similar interests. His response?

Sure, he’s interested in exploring friendship because he has, like, two female friends. And, he wanted to make sure I knew that “If you’re gonna breed, you’d better do so soon because I’ve heard it becomes more dangerous to do so after the age of 40 (for women that is)!”

Gee, thanks for the tip. That solves the mystery surrounding why he only has two girl friends. Poor thing.

I’m still deciding how I’ll respond to his message. This kind of social ineptitude is hard to detect in four minutes, so thankfully there’s online follow up. Clearly, he’s big on opinion and deficient in social communication skills. He’s the perfect target audience for my intention to help people learn “how to say it.”

Since contrast is important, I thought knowing what NOT to say could benefit those social geeks out there. You know who you are. If you need help having a normal conversation with a woman, write a comment, pose a question and I’ll help you approach your conversation or email so that you don’t immediately annihilate your chance of ever getting a date…

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Categories: A Sound Match Odyssey · Dating Advice: How to say it · Dating/Relationship Experiences · Uncategorized

“The Date” That Pushed Me Into Epiphany

October 4, 2006 · 3 Comments

Years ago, a childhood friend of mine decided he wanted to fix me up with his doctor friends.

He called me a bunch of times always prepared with the hard sell of why I should date a particular colleague of his. After hearing all the vague stats like the car he drove, where he went to medical school and other fluff, I would inevitably ask about the guy’s taste in music. My friend’s inevitable response (spoken with irritation): “I don’t know. That’s not important. You can ask him when he calls you tonight. I already gave him your number.”

At the time, I believed that two people needed to know and like the same music to get along.  It helps, but I’ve learned there’s more to it than that.

When I first spoke with this doctor, it didn’t seem fair or polite to talk only about music with him (I’m not nearly as gracious now). So, I justified scheduling a date to get more information about his music sensibilities. And, since he came highly recommended, how bad could the date be?

This was the last time I let this friend or any others set me up with a “music unknown.”

Our one conversation had me believing that this man was fairly cool and interested in music, after briefly hearing about his affinity for 80’s rock bands (later to learn he meant Def Leppard and Bon Jovi, not The Jam or The Cure). I figured I’d let him fill in the rest of his music preferences during the walk in the park we’d planned to take. Only, I didn’t need the walk to get the picture. The moment we met and I walked into his apartment I got it.

Everything about this guy was slick, from the black lacquered furniture with gold beveled edges to his hair. I scanned the shimmery apartment and shaggy carpets hoping to spot anything resembling unique character. The apartment was decorated like bad corporate housing. I suspected I was doomed to an afternoon of boredom. My date didn’t let me down.

As the date continued, I probed him to talk more about music, but I guess we’d already covered that base. While I do remember his bad style, I can’t remember one interesting thing he said to me that day. His personality matched his taste in music. It was completely one-dimensional.

I excused myself from the date as fast as I could. I spent the entire drive home muttering to myself that I’d never again be set up by a friend, nor would I go on another date, without first getting (and paying attention to) the complete music picture.

As much as this date sucked, it caused my first epiphany confirming that music defines personality and should determine my dating decisions.

The day after this date, I started my research project, blandly titled for the next long while, “my music theory.”

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Categories: A Sound Match Odyssey · Dating/Relationship Experiences