This blog has moved to http://asoundmatch.com/blog

Please visit the new blog location to learn more about:

  • How our relationship to music predicts our relationship to each other.
  • Music Personality
  • Music dating
  • Dating Advice: “How to Say It” – How to start difficult conversations relating to dating and relationships

Thanks for visiting!

~ Lynne

Find Meaningful Relationships in Unexpected Places – Take A Sound Match To Go

Recently, I heard a conference panelist complain that he didn’t know half of the “friends” in his network.  He said he would grab the chance to find one or two people in his network that would add meaning to his life.  I practically jumped out of my seat and screamed “I can do that, I can do that!”  Instead, I kept my mouth shut because at that moment I didn’t know how I would make A Sound Match mobile so the meaningful relationships that were buried inside a person’s ever-growing and impersonal network could bubble up to the surface.

But now I do.  Last week, the badge program launched.  It’s also known as A Sound Match To Go.

Everyone who takes the music quiz can display a Music Personality badge that will help identify meaningful relationships, for friendship or dating, either inside a network or any place on the web.

This is the Music Personality badge for Diamonds in the Rough

This is the Music Personality badge for Diamonds in the Rough

Put your Music Personality badge on your email signature, blog or social network profiles, because:

1.  You have a higher likelihood of getting along with people who have the same Music Personality as you.

2.  You could meet someone really special. Get matched one-on-one with our Lookup engine. A 4-note match means the highest likelihood of compatibility.

Take the quiz. Then, get your badge here.

Need more convincing? Read two scenarios to illustrate how and why displaying a badge can change your life.

Scenario 1 (for friendship):

You decide to buy a bike from a seller on Craigslist.  You exchange a series of emails and notice a Music Personality badge on the seller’s email signature.  You see that he is a Diamond in the Rough, just like you.  Since two people who belong to the same Music Personality group have a good chance of becoming friends, you invite him along for your group ride that weekend.  Turns out, you two have a lot more in common than biking.  This guy, formerly a stranger, becomes a great friend who accompanies you on the next ten backpacking trips you take and lets you temporarily move into his apartment when your girlfriend asks you to leave yours.

Scenario 2  (for love):

You want to meet someone special to date.  You display your Music Personality badge on the sidebar of your blog, figuring the law of averages will reveal at least a few readers who are single and possibly compatible with you.

Soon thereafter, you get an email from a fan with a witty comment about your latest post.  The email also includes the revelation that she used the matching engine to check the likelihood of your compatibility and it revealed a 4-note match, which means you two have the highest likelihood of compatibility.  Alerted to the likelihood that you two could get along well, you keep the email exchange going, when otherwise this reader would have been a passing blip on your radar.  Turns out, that was a good decision because her last email revealed she is single, age-appropriate, gender-appropriate, and lives nearby.  After you check her out on Facebook and see that she’s cute, you suggest meeting for coffee.  The rest is history.

MORE INFO …

What happens when your badge is clicked?

The person who clicks your badge is taken to the music quiz to discover Music Personality and then use the “lookup” engine to see how you two Sound Match.

Expect to hear from people with your Music Personality and from people who are ranked by our matching system as having a good or high likelihood of compatibility with you (indicated by three or four green notes).

Need help breaking the ice? Send a music email “Notecard.” More info here.

How A Sound Match works

A Sound Match is a compatibility system based on the theory that two people who like music the same amount have a higher likelihood of compatibility.  A short quiz identifies your interest in music and lands you into one of the four Music Personality groups.  Members of each group are likely to get along well.

Also, the matching algorithm pits two quiz scores against each other to see how strong a match there is between a couple (based on 15 years of research).  Every match is ranked from a “high likelihood” down to “risky.”


Break the Ice with a “Notecard”

Send a music email with full-length songs or albums inside – for free – to any email address.

On your music profile inside A Sound Match, add music to the first playlist (called Get to Know Me). This playlist always travels inside your ASM messages.

Send the email from the “Messages” tab on the top navigation bar after you login. You can either type in a username or the person’s email address. Send a Notecard anytime to anyone.

A Notecard to play

Happy New Year.

To play an hour’s worth of the music I loved listening to in 2008, click the notecard.  Enjoy.

~ Lynne

A music notecard

A music "note"card

[The image opens a web page on Rhapsody.  For instant free listening, click the "play now" link below the sign-in section.]

Music Personality Baby-Naming

Years ago, I needed a relevant way to identify the four types of music listeners that I believe exist in the world.

Back then, I called them Devotees, Enthusiasts, Ambivalents and Apathetics. I suspected the latter two groups might not appreciate the name-calling, so I needed neutral names, not knowing how these labels would be later used for asoundmatch.com.

Each group’s label had to meet these four criteria:

1. It had to be the title of a (great) song.

2. The song had to lean more toward love and hopefulness than toward heartache and despair.

3. The title of the song had to be a noun so that I could pluralize it when referring to the group of members (e.g. Diamonds in the Rough, Hearts of Gold, etc.).

4. The majority of the artist’s fan base had to belong  to that particular Music Personality.

Unchained Melody, a Righteous Brothers song, was chosen for people who prefer music as a backdrop and don’t bring much of it into their lives, otherwise called “music apathetics” (although, usually not publicly). The music of the Righteous Brothers, and soft-ballad artists like them, is right up the alley of the music listening that Unchained Melodies tend to do.

Shining Star, by Earth, Wind & Fire, was chosen for people who like the hits. Shining Stars like it when music is playing, and usually that happens when other people took the initiative to play something. Accordingly, I call them “music ambivalents.” They are satisfied with the popular music of the day or they have holed up inside classic rock. Either way, you’ll find fans of of Earth, Wind & Fire in the Shining Star group.

It was tougher to choose labels for the next two groups of music lovers. I needed songs that were hip enough to describe these music fans yet still met the love/noun/fan criteria.

Heart of Gold, by Neil Young, was chosen for music lovers who appreciate the intelligence and mastery of Neil Young’s music. Hearts of Gold are “music enthusiasts.” They like being introduced to new music and have discerning taste. Hearts of Gold also have some renegade in them, not unlike NY. They are active music listeners yet they don’t go insane if their music collection is not readily available to them – like Diamonds in the Rough do. I struggled with this group’s label because the title seemed, well, corny. After a long while of searching unsuccessfully for substitutes that met the criteria, it stuck.  Now, I like it.

Diamond in the Rough Continue reading

Can Music Personality Predict Compatibility?

If you haven’t noticed, you get along better with people who like music the same amount as you.

In my world, Music Personality defines how much you like music – not what you listen to.

Take the quiz and learn your Music Personality (at A Sound Match). Four groups exist. Are you a Diamond in the Rough, Heart of Gold, Shining Star, or Unchained Melody?

So maybe the Music Personality monikers sound fluffy and meaningless. But their underlying meaning packs a punch.

The Music Personality & Compatibility System

The Music Personality & Compatibility System

Anywhere a person lands on the music spectrum is perfect and not important to finding a match.   What makes all the difference is where we land in relationship to others.  We want to meet people who land closest to us on the spectrum because we will have similarities that matter most for our relationships to succeed.

Diamonds in the Rough are passionate about music. They can be described by the following traits and social behaviors:

• Unconventional, resist the mainstream
• Non-conforming, more apt to take social risk
• Open to new experience, explore social unknowns
• Choose life off the beaten path, edgy

You will see less of these traits, the less a person cares for music. When you meet Unchained Melodies, who are apathetic about music (but believe otherwise), you see differences in personality between them and Diamonds in the Rough. This is how they are different…

An Unchained Melody has a hard time understanding the social, lifestyle and intellectual needs of a Diamond in the Rough.

An Unchained Melody might think that vacationing on a large cruise ship to the Caribbean is exciting and relaxing but that renting a cabina in a remote town of Costa Rica is dangerous and not worth the trek. Or, he might believe that condo living with new carpeting and square walls is sleek and comfortable but not see any charm to living in an old Victorian with slanted hardwood floors, a split bathroom and 10’ high ceilings with intricate moldings. And, Unchained Melodies might choose bestselling fiction and never wish to get past the first ten pages of a Tom Robbins book that requires suspension of disbelief, intense concentration, plus a big dose of patience for character development (all his books are worth it).

Music tells us with whom we can travel, live in housing we like, banter on the same intellectual level, discover the unknown, and more. Doesn’t it make sense that we can also use it as the readily available and effective filter to help us find the right person?

We all listen to music and have a Music Personality. Our interest in music tells the truth about us.

Take the quiz now.

When to Pull the Plug?

The Realtionship Issue:  How long do you stay in a new relationship before pulling the plug?

Almost worse than being in a bad relationship is being in an okay relationship that’s enjoyable-enough but deep down you know this person is not the love of your life.   How long do you give it before admitting that this is as good as it gets?

David has been waiting eight months for his girlfriend to show him that she adores him and wants to live the life of romance he envisions.  He is over 40 and excited to find his life partner.  Because she is Asian and he is not, she explains that her cultural upbringing affects how she displays affection and generally deals with her relationships.  David is a considerate and compassionate guy, and he likes this girl, and so is willing to learn how to manage the cultural differences.  But, it’s taking a long time. On top of it, the financial crisis has put much stress on her work life, so he wants to demonstrate his patience (one of his finer traits) and not rock the boat too hard by demanding that she let him know now what she wants from their relationship.

My response:  What are you waiting for? 

On the one hand, you are a king for exercising kindness, patience and consideration.  This makes you a real catch in the eyes of many women.  I say free yourself to find one of those women rather than wait any longer for your girlfriend to come around into seeing your gifts.  After eight months together, she knows if she is or isn’t in love with you.  Love overlooks cultural differences.   What should be your most important consideration is whether you feel happy in your relationship.  And, you don’t sound happy about this one.

Clearly, she likes being with you, evidenced by dating you exclusively for the past eight months.  But I see that it’s one of two issues for her and neither is pretty.  Either, she is not self-aware enough to know her true feelings for you and whether her cultural upbringing is or isn’t impacting them.  Or, she is afraid to hurt your feelings, to let you down … to fail after all this time of trying.

Really, we know pretty quickly if we see long-term relationship potential with someone new. But after being single for a while, we like the idea of finally being in a relationship.  And, if it’s not awful then maybe there will be greatness to it … somewhere down the road?  Nope.  I am convinced that, at the beginning, you should be hitting green lights down the relationship road.  The occasional yellow is important so you two can catch a breather, get perspective on where you are headed, and then move forward if it feels good.  But, often stopping the journey at the beginning to work through a bunch of red flags is never a good sign for a lasting relationship.  In fact, I would say this is the biggest clue we get telling us to let go.

During our conversation, David noticed a pattern in his relationships.  He said he usually finds himself waiting for his girlfriends to chart the course, to open up to his romanticism, to decide if they should be together for the long haul.  He recognized that he deserves the romantic relationship he wants and he should not wait for his girlfriends to decide whether or not they accept his terms.  Hopefully, he will honor his needs and won’t keep trying to fit the square pegs into the round hole.  You cannot expect people to change.  They rarely do.  However, you can expect and control your happiness.

I know it’s hard to let go when it feels pretty good now.  I fall victim to it, too.  But, do you really want to trade a life of passion and love for “pretty good?”  Do you want to look back and ask yourself why you wasted another eight months with the wrong person – when the clues were there from the beginning?  We need to become better students and learn from the School of Relationship Hard Knocks.  We need to remember that nothing is more important than that we feel good. What are we waiting for?

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This post was transcribed from a conversation with a client of IntimiDating, a new call-in service brought to you by A Sound Match. IntimiDating is on-the-spot problem solving of troubling relationship issues that require an instant ally to listen and offer solutions to help you feel relieved and confident about your next move. All calls are received by Lynne, the founder of A Sound Match. More more info email Lynne.

A visual to help understand your compatibility with others

Music Personality & Compatibility Spectrum

Music Personality & Compatibility Spectrum

The image above illustrates A Sound Match’s compatibility system. You are more likely to be compatible with someone who lands near you on the spectrum.

After you take the quiz, your Music Personality is revealed on the website and inside our welcome email. Are you a Diamond in the Rough, Heart of Gold, Shining Star or Unchained Melody?

You have a high likelihood of getting along with people who belong to your Music Personality Group. And, if you land on the cusp of your Music Personality, you will also get along with people in an adjacent group. In fact, it’s possible that you could get along best with someone who lands in an adjacent group but who scores within a few points of you.

For instance, Diamonds in the Rough are most likely to be compatible with other Diamonds and least likely to be compatible with Unchained Melodies. Or, a Shining Star who lands on the left edge of her group also has a high likelihood of getting along with Unchained Melodies who land on the right edge of that group.

Because your score stays private, the easiest way to learn how compatible you are with another member is to:

1. Look up the person’s username on the Lookup page (under My Matches > Lookup Profile)
2. Look at your list of matches. The ones with the highest likelihood of compatibility show up first.

Take the quiz now. What’s your Music Personality?